On the London Eye
I've been back in the UK for a few days now and had a little time enough to reflect on my experiences...
Being away has certainly made me appreciate being home more than ever before so I'd be really glad that I went away if it was only for that - to appreciate what I have here. It's also revealed to me just how 'English' I am. That may sound daft but I never realised it truly before.
If you want to know more about who you are take away everything that is familiar, all those little extensions of yourself that you rely on for affirmation every day without realising it. Go somewhere where nobody knows you and listen to what you choose to tell people about yourself and the choices you make about how to treat people you may never see again. Measure how well you cuturally adjust and how often you have to question your own assumptions - is that really right or wrong or does my own culture just tell me that it is? Maybe it is wrong and if so should it inspire anger or pity in me or both? Find out how much you like yourself in this new situation and see how much you long to come home and finally ask yourself how much you miss it all when you do get back.
There were things I didn't like about myself in Kenya, in Nairobi in particular (but it is a city designed to drive you over the edge). In another sense in being there to help others it meant I was being more true to myself. Now I'm home, now home has folded its cold, damp, loving arms around me and drawn me back into the fold I'm left feeling wholly selfish. It's true that I walked around London on Monday all day by myself and didn't have to argue with anyone, not one single confrontation but it's also true that I've come home to face other issues I was able to avoid in Kenya.
I've been at my brother's house and we've been looking through photos from Mwamba. I'm so glad to be home but I do miss it now, it kind of hurts that I can't go back whenever I want to. I'm so happy to be home I could jump right back into my life again and forget about Kenya but I know I'd regret that . I hope I'm able to retain some of the sense that 'the rest of the world does not live like we do'. I hope now I don't have to walk through the slums that I'm able to remember how they looked. I guess it's up to me to take what I want from the experiences I've had, to decide how I want to change and move on and right now that's a little bit scary...
Being away has certainly made me appreciate being home more than ever before so I'd be really glad that I went away if it was only for that - to appreciate what I have here. It's also revealed to me just how 'English' I am. That may sound daft but I never realised it truly before.
If you want to know more about who you are take away everything that is familiar, all those little extensions of yourself that you rely on for affirmation every day without realising it. Go somewhere where nobody knows you and listen to what you choose to tell people about yourself and the choices you make about how to treat people you may never see again. Measure how well you cuturally adjust and how often you have to question your own assumptions - is that really right or wrong or does my own culture just tell me that it is? Maybe it is wrong and if so should it inspire anger or pity in me or both? Find out how much you like yourself in this new situation and see how much you long to come home and finally ask yourself how much you miss it all when you do get back.
There were things I didn't like about myself in Kenya, in Nairobi in particular (but it is a city designed to drive you over the edge). In another sense in being there to help others it meant I was being more true to myself. Now I'm home, now home has folded its cold, damp, loving arms around me and drawn me back into the fold I'm left feeling wholly selfish. It's true that I walked around London on Monday all day by myself and didn't have to argue with anyone, not one single confrontation but it's also true that I've come home to face other issues I was able to avoid in Kenya.
I've been at my brother's house and we've been looking through photos from Mwamba. I'm so glad to be home but I do miss it now, it kind of hurts that I can't go back whenever I want to. I'm so happy to be home I could jump right back into my life again and forget about Kenya but I know I'd regret that . I hope I'm able to retain some of the sense that 'the rest of the world does not live like we do'. I hope now I don't have to walk through the slums that I'm able to remember how they looked. I guess it's up to me to take what I want from the experiences I've had, to decide how I want to change and move on and right now that's a little bit scary...
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